Going into our marriage Nick and I knew that one of our biggest goals as husband and wife was to keep God at the center. We have now been married just over three years, have we always succeeded with this goal? Absolutely not. We fall short, all the time but the most important thing is that the intention is there and that we always bring ourselves right back.
So, in doing my part in this relationship. I strive to do my best and do everything I can to be a Godly wife. These are some of the ways that I strive towards this:
- I try to do everything I can to allow God to transform my heart, mind, and life. My word for 2018 is Surrender and that word has come into play in a huge way in my life (and Nick’s) as we navigate this TTC journey. I have to allow God to transform my heart when I am feeling impatient or angry. I have to allow Him to transform my mind when I am having negative thoughts. And I have to surrender to Him in order to allow Him to (hopefully) transform my life and give me (us) the blessing of a child.
2. I strive to be patient and show grace in every situation that I can. This one is difficult for me sometimes. I tend to have a somewhat unforgiving nature and I take things very personally. So, I am learning that I need to reign in my emotions and not jump to conclusions. I have learned that holding my tongue, keeping quiet rather than responding in anger, and showing grace and offering forgiveness (just as I would want) are all ways to grow towards being a more Godly wife.
3. Being respectful is a huge deal. I remember several years ago during a relationship series at church my Pastor saying “Women want to be loved, and men want to be respected.” Those words have stayed with me over the years and I try to make it a point to always show respect to my husband.
4. Keep the focus on my own heart, sin, and obedience to the Lord. This one is always the hardest for me. I tend to point fingers and want to blame everyone else rather than taking a look at myself and my own heart and actions.
What I am learning is that in order to be a Godly wife I need to remember that at the end of the day, my walk with Christ is a private one. I need to focus on repenting my OWN sin, not my view of someone else’s. Another statement that my Pastor has made that has stuck with me is “the only person you can change is you.” I need to pray for God to change ME, I need to focus on me, myself, and I.
5. I need to focus on the positive rather than the negative. I always strive to be a “glass half full” type person but sometimes it’s a struggle. So this year I am really making an effort to focus on the positive. Every day I thank God for my husband and the good things about him and the good things that he does.
6. I need to understand that if my husband does change it is not because of something that I said or did or even prayed about. It is because God saw fit for Him to change and He is changing Nick into the man that he calls him to be.
7. Even if I don’t pray for my husband to change, I should (and do) pray for him to be blessed.
8. My spiritual well-being and growth is no one’s responsibility but my own.
9. It is important for me to let him SEE and experience what God is doing in my heart by a change in my attitude, countenance, respect, kindness, patience, peace, joy, etc…
10. Learning what my husbands Love Language is and speaking that language. This is something that I have really been trying to focus on lately. Nick is definitely more of a Type-A, clean, organized, OCD type person then I am and I would definitely say that his top love language is Acts of Service. This is one reason why I have been striving towards greater time management and organization. I also know that having a clean organized home is important to Nick (and if I have to admit it, it does make me feel better as well) so this is something that I work on in some capacity every day.
11. I need to find all of my happiness, security, peace, and identity in Jesus alone, not in what your husband does or does not do. A couple of years ago I read the book Sacred Marriage and it completely changed my outlook. What if the point of marriage isn’t to make you happy, but to make you holy? This book really drove home the point of having God as the center of our marriage. Let’s face it no one is going to make you happy, every second of every single day. Not even
especially not your spouse. There are going to be times when we aren’t going to be very happy with one another and while of course, we will always love each other, there may be times when we don’t necessarily like each other. While Nick does, of course, make me happy, he is not my sole source of happiness. I need to find my happiness and ultimate joy in Christ, not in Nick.
12. If I want to be a Godly wife then I need to spend as much time as possible with the Lord in order to be filled up with Him. I cannot pour from an empty cup.
Here is a prayer that I have been praying for us and myself lately.
Please give us the light we need on each step of this journey. May we surrender ourselves fully to all that You desire to do in our hearts and minds and in our lives separately and as a couple. Help us to embrace Your wisdom and Your Spirit. I pray that we would hear Your voice clearly and follow You wholeheartedly. Please make me into the godly woman You call me to be. Amen!